Sometimes in life, you just want to give up. Give up chasing your dream of landing a high paying job, give up your dream of excelling at college, give up your dream of being popular, or even give up fighting for things you’ve held onto way too long in life.
You may have spent your entire life working your ass off to try and achieve it, but I guess there comes a point when you say that’s it, I’m done. No more.
Getting Out Of Bed Is Tougher Than It Looks
I think I’ve reached that point in my life, where I question the worth of everything that I have in my life and everything that is yet to come. I wake up every morning thinking, is it really worth the effort? Should I really be working two jobs and busting my ass trying to get into a great university? On most days, it’s been easy to get out of bed and brush these feelings off. But there was something different about today.
Today, I laid in bed longer than usual. Just imagine a woman who hates staying in bed beyond 6 AM, was in bed till 1 PM! To be honest, I didn’t have the courage to get out of bed, I didn’t have the strength to argue with myself about holding onto my hopes and dreams, and I didn’t have the will to fight anymore for the things and people I wanted in my life. I just wanted to cease to exist, for one day.
Holding On And Letting Go
For as long as I can remember, I’ve held onto some extremely intense and overwhelming emotions. I’ve been holding on to a lot of anger. I’ve been holding on to a number of regrets from all the mistakes I’ve made, and I’ve been holding on to a lot of sorrow, the kind that really weighs you down. When I woke up this morning, all I asked myself was, how can I let it all go? How do I just live in a moment and be happy with what was there in my life at that single point in time? Most importantly, how do I stop expecting things from anyone, even myself?
Success And Meaning
As human beings, we often want to find or attach value to everything we do. We want a successful outcome every time we perform a task; stand first in class, win a medal at work, start a new trend on social media.
But what if one day, none of this matter? What if, it was okay to not want to fare well in life? And what if you simply did not want any recognition for the work you’ve done so far? Would anything that you do on a daily basis matter? Would your life be any less chaotic, for not wanting meaning or success from it? Most importantly, would you feel less burdened and hopeless?
Some Day I May Find The Answers
I don’t have the answers to any of these questions yet. And as I write, I find myself having even more questions, with very fewer answers. Perhaps if I’m lucky, I’ll find some of my answers before this day ends. And if not, I think I will lay in bed a little longer tomorrow as well, hoping to find answers to the questions I have yet to ask myself.